Mint Lim, co-founder, School of Concepts, Singapore

For Mint, the perennial “When’s baby number two coming?” is met with a smile. “I’m grateful for their enthusiasm—I see it as their vested interest in clan expansion!” she jokes.

Mint believes gratitude changes the tone of these interactions. Viewing relatives’ curiosity as well-meaning, she stays positive and finds joy in uplifting others during these gatherings, focusing on active listening and encouraging stories from her elders.

“With older relatives, I often practise active listening, and asking questions that will give them opportunities to elaborate on their experiences,” she says. “I tend to put on my “hat of gratitude”. It has helped me alter my perspective on questions that I might have possibly viewed more negatively in the past. I find my responses more loving too. It has been particular motivating on occasions when I observed how those responses “uplifted” whoever I engaged in conversation with.”

Vivian Quah, founder and director of August Store, Malaysia

Having been asked about a second child countless times, Vivian has perfected her response with refreshing honestly and frankness: “No more—one is enough!” For her, honesty works best, paired with a positive spin. “I add something like, ‘This lets us focus 109 per cent of our energy on raising her!’” By keeping her answers light and cheerful, she ends the conversation gracefully while leaving a positive impression. Being naturally self-confident and honest, Vivian often finds herself unbothered by many of these questions at this point of her life. 

Her strategy for breaking the ice with older relatives is rooted in these same vein of authenticity with respect. “Always praise them first and then ask how they are. Like ‘Oh aunty, looking prettier every year. How are you?’” she suggests. “Stay true to yourself and if it’s really something that’s off limits, be honest by saying, “Sorry! I prefer not to speak about it,” and change the topic of conversation into something lighter to avoid awkward-ness.”

Kimberly Lee, managing editor of Makchic

The mother of two fun-loving boys, Makchic managing editor Kimberly Lee can always count on relatives to inquire about the status of her procreation (“or lack thereof!”), when Chinese New Year reunion dinners come around. 

“‘Two boys already, ah? Why don’t you try for a baby girl next?’ is a question I constantly receive,” Kimberly says. “My reaction is always one of amused tolerance, followed by a quip about the high likelihood (and sheer terror) of me bringing yet another chaotic boy child into the world!” 

When handling these comments with tact, Kimberly’s approach starts from a place of empathy—seeing things from the other person’s perspective and recognising that they are products of the times they grew up in. “I try in my own way to get them to see how the world has changed in many ways, for the better.”   

Maple Asaro, hotelier, restaurateur, and founder of Bobbi’s Pole Studio Malaysia

“You’re opening more restaurants? Don’t do too much la,” is a comment Maple Asaro hears frequently. “Some encouragement and positivity would be nice.” While she admittedly finds comments like these a turn-off, she stays firm.

Other prodding questions inevitably revolve around Bobbi’s Pole Studio, the cabaret-inspired fitness studio she helms in Bangsar. “‘Open a dance studio, got make money meh? Your backbone can tahan ah? When are you going to stop?’ These questions from cousins or older relatives are annoying. I was always the one frowned upon but no one has ever succeeded in disturbing my peace,” says the spunky jet-setter, who celebrated the 25th anniversary of her family hospitality brand, Samadhi Villa, in Kuala Lumpur recently.  

For Maple, unsolicited advice is simply part of the territory, and her mantra of staying true to herself helps her navigate criticism. “Live on your own terms,” she advises, while keeping interactions with older relatives respectful yet resolutely focused on her success. “I used to battle them with reason, but now I just answer them with a question: ““I’m healthier, happier, and even more beautiful than last year, so I must be doing something right, right?” she quips.

Stephanie Ng, executive director of Body Banter, Hong Kong 

Stephanie finds that career questions often double as “check-ins” for her relatives. “They’re just using the best tools they have to ask how we are,” she explains, reframing these moments as opportunities for connection rather than judgement. For more intrusive questions, Stephanie relies on humour or thoughtful redirection. “If I’m close to someone, I might explain how these questions make me feel,” she says. 

“I will say that gatherings with my immediate family are usually quite different,” she adds. “We are pretty intentional about checking in with how each person feels, because I’m a psychologist and I’ve frequently bugged them about the importance of caring communication.”

For distant relatives, she offers lighthearted quips, emphasising the importance of setting boundaries while maintaining familial harmony. “If explicitly stating your boundaries feels too daunting for now, you can also find a way to leave the conversation, for example, by excusing yourself to go to the bathroom or finding another family member to chat with.”

Pamela Tan, architectural designer, founder of Poh Sin Studio Kuala Lumpur

Pamela often encounters awkwardness when her marital status and age become a topic of discussion. “Relatives sometimes ask whether I’m married or single, seemingly to determine if they still need to give me the red packet. Some joke about being tired of giving ang paos, while others subtly show hints of bitterness when handing them over,” she says.

Pamela admits this makes her feel guilty but remains steadfast in her belief that authenticity is key. “It’s empowering to own your truth,” she says. If questions cross a line, Pamela gently but firmly redirects the conversation. Sharing light-hearted stories or genuine experiences helps her break the ice.

For many women, fielding questions about one’s looks, weight and health are tedious at best and humiliating at worst.

For Melissa (a former model and Asia’s Next Top Model contestant, by the way), comments about appearance are just another form of surface-level observation. “I’ve learned that sometimes, a simple ‘I like it this way’ is enough,” she shares. “I answer as plainly as possible without explaining myself too much.” 

For Mint, the majority of these kinds of questions revolved around her postpartum weight. “Ever since I had my baby, I focused a lot of letting my body heal, so weight loss has not been a priority,” Mint shares. “I do get a few questions about weight gain and my reply would usually be to thank them because I’ve “received” their well wishes to be “prosperous” the year before.”

Pamela’s take on this issue was inspired by seeing how a loved one handled a similar awkward experience from an elderly relative. “I witnessed a loved one being fat-shamed by an aunt who disguised her criticism as ‘concern’,” she said. “It was painful to watch, but her response surprised me—she calmly replied, “What do you want me to say? I’m happy.” Her honesty left the aunt silent, and she walked away.”

“This moment reminded me of the power of authenticity—being true to yourself and answering questions without shame or embarrassment. It’s empowering to own your truth. If someone becomes too invasive or rude, I maintain respect by politely setting boundaries.”

Kimberly grew up struggling with her weight and appearance thanks to unkind (though well-meaning) comments from others. She believes that the best medicine for countering questions and comments like these is the power of being confident in your own skin and loving yourself—flaws and all. “My go-to for deflecting these types of comments is with gentle humour, followed by a focus on the positive side of things. I’ve got no room for negativity in my life! If we fundamentally disagree on a certain point that encroaches on the boundaries I’ve set for myself, then I would remove myself from the conversation with a polite but firm ‘We agree to disagree’.” she says.

Stephanie used to feel defensive about comments on her weight, but has learned to view them through a cultural lens. “Older relatives often ask these questions out of habit, not malice,” she explains. 

If a boundary needs to be set, she’ll share her feelings honestly or use humour to defuse the situation. “This new layer of fat keeps me warm in winter!” she jokes. For persistent enquiries, Stephanie isn’t afraid to firmly state her limits, prioritising self-respect over social expectations.

“When I feel myself getting frustrated and annoyed, I try to remind myself that (1) these questions usually stem from a place of care, and (2) I have the power to choose how I respond to these questions,” she says. “Uncomfortable and intrusive questions from older relatives tend to come from a place of ignorance rather than malice. If I’m close to the person, I would choose to share my emotions honestly (‘Questions about weight usually make me feel quite uncomfortable. Can you try not to ask questions like that as often? I’d much prefer talking about my hobbies!’). If I’m not as close with this person, I usually choose to tactfully diverge from the question or make a joke out of it.” 

Vivian’s secret to navigating comments about her looks is her unwavering confidence. “If I’m doing something about my weight or appearance, I share it with pride,” she says. Otherwise, she shifts the conversation to more positive or neutral territory, responding instead with compliments and admiration to the speaker.  

Whether it’s nosy questions about babies, careers or appearances, these women remind us that a mix of humour, confidence and kindness goes a long way. So this Chinese New Year, don’t kill them with kindness—simply smile at the thought of mastering the art of turning awkward moments into meaningful conversations. Gong Xi Fa Cai! 

This story is part of Front & Female’s series She Speaks, through which we aim to drive open, inclusive and unfiltered conversations tackling the sensitive topics that impact women.

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