For She Speaks, Vera Lui, certified sex educator, founder of the intimate lifestyle store Sally Coco and co-founder of the Women’s Festival, shares the importance of having open conversations with children about sex—and how to approach them
Growing up in Hong Kong during the '80s, my sexual education was a patchwork of trial and error. My mother’s vague warnings and a biology teacher too uncomfortable to teach anatomy left me in the dark. It wasn’t until I was 23 that I experienced my first orgasm by exploring my body with a pleasure toy, a moment that was about reclaiming my body and understanding that sex was more than just pleasing a partner.
These experiences highlighted the lack of accessible sexual education resources, especially in Cantonese. That’s probably why I went viral when I started posting myth-busting videos about the G-spot, how to find the clitoris and more on YouTube and Instagram. It was clear that people in Hong Kong were eager to learn more about their bodies.
I truly believe that we need to normalise comprehensive sexual education because sexuality is a fundamental part of who we are. Proper sex education is about embracing and understanding this aspect of our identity. From boundaries to body image, health and moral values: it encapsulates so much more, and that’s why the conversation should start as early as possible.
Read more: From navigating censorship to overcoming taboo, the challenge of normalising sexual wellness in Asia
Why is it important to talk to children about sex?
People don’t always understand when I say that sex education should start from the earliest age, because people too often associate sex with sexual pleasure only. But, first and foremost, sex is linked to our moral values, body image, self-esteem, communication skills and boundaries. Without proper guidance, children might turn to unreliable sources like pornography for answers.
I’ve met 16-year-old girls who were saving money because they found their labia asymmetrical—and thus “ugly”, and others of the same age who let their first boyfriends dictate whether they should take birth control or not—because they thought it was a proof of love. Open conversations about sexual well-being and health can prevent these situations from happening.
What are the risks of avoiding sex education conversations?
Avoiding these crucial conversations can lead to serious consequences, including increased risks of sexually transmitted infections and image-based sexual violence. Recent studies by the Family Planning Association of Hong Kong reveal alarming statistics about youth exposure to pornography and online exploitation, highlighting the urgent need for comprehensive sex education.
The Family Planning Association of Hong Kong (FPAHK) has conducted The Youth Sexuality Study (YSS) every five years since 1981. In 2021, around 60 per cent of girls and 65 per cent of boys had been exposed to pornographic content on social media, up from 33 per cent and 59 per cent respectively in 2016. Around 3 per cent of girls and around 7 per cent of boys had engaged in naked chats, up from 1 per cent and 2 per cent respectively in 2016. The proportion of those who had been bullied online remained at around 10 per cent in 2016. Around 5 per cent of girls and 9 per cent of boys had experienced image-based sexual violence. Around 17 per cent of girls and 24 per cent of boys received pornographic messages or images; 5 per cent of girls and 11 per cent of boys have sent them to others.
Sex education is not just about “sex”. Yes, it teaches about the cognitive, emotional, physical and social aspects of sexuality. But, it also addresses psychological, social and emotional issues, promoting human rights, gender equality and cultural relevance. It empowers learners with critical thinking, communication and life skills to foster healthy relationships and social responsibility. The primary focus should be to empower individuals with knowledge and create a safe space for them to ask questions and make informed choices in the future.
Access to knowledge about sexual wellness is a human right. Being deprived of it can become a threat to individuals’ health and well-being while reinforcing gender stereotypes and gender-based violence.