Blending Western psychology and Eastern philosophy, Dr Shefali, who will be speaking at the Dragonfly H.E.A.L Summit in Bangkok later this month, has pioneered a new paradigm in parenting and wants to transform the lives of families—and more broadly society—with her teachings, which are just as applicable to guiding individuals at work as in the home
It all starts with self-reflection. Examining your feelings and evaluating your thoughts develop self-awareness, which is key to enabling personal growth. Only when you recognise patterns within yourself can you make informed decisions and live more consciously.
Conscious parenting also emphasises self-awareness. It’s a philosophy pioneered by Dr Shefali Tsabary, who combines her training in Western psychology—she has a doctorate in clinical psychology from Columbia University—and Eastern philosophy, in her approach. She urges parents to focus on self-healing of past traumas that may impact their relationships, to be present, mindful and aware when interacting with their children, and to cultivate deep emotional and authentic connections.
Through her bestselling books, which include The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children,The Awakened Family: How to Raise Empowered, Resilient, and Conscious Children, and The Parenting Map: Step-by-Step Solutions to Consciously Create the Ultimate Parent-Child Relationship, Dr Shefali has spread her teachings to the world. And they clearly resonate. Conscious parenting is a movement. Dr Shefali boasts significant social media followings (1.2 million on Instagram), her Parenting & You podcast is regularly highly ranked, and she has established a Conscious Coaching Institute through which she has certified more than 1,200 coaches who communicate her philosophy around the world. She also has endorsement from a number of celebrities, including P!nk, Eva Mendez and Eva Longoria as well as Oprah Winfrey, who has called her “the best child expert”.
Most of Dr Shefali’s followers are women—though she admits that it is perhaps men who have a harder time with living more consciously, particularly when it comes to parenting as they generally have “a harder time entering their heart, entering their feelings, which is where children primarily live,” she says. “Children are very heart-based, very feeling based, and so are women.”
Dr Shefali wants to empower women in addition to her focus on conscious parenting. Another of her books, The Radical Awakening: Turn Pain into Power, Embrace Your Truth, Live Free is specifically aimed at women. “I think because women as mothers and caregivers of society are such pivotal elements in terms of emotional, social health, that if we don’t take care of them, we actually don’t take care of the children or culture,” she says. “So, honouring women and helping them understand how they can become their best selves, empowering them to become their best selves, was a goal of mine—and is a goal of mine. And The Radical Awakening is geared to empower women to reach their highest potential.”
A consciousness awakening in which individuals start to recognise when ego is influencing decision-making, where they focus on the self-healing of emotional wounds, become more present and mindful, and realise the transformative power of relationships, has the potential to positively impact everyone—and society more broadly. Ahead of her appearance at the Dragonfly H.E.A.L Summit in Bangkok, Dr Shefali tells Tatler about conscious parenting, how we can all live with greater awareness—and why we should.
See also: ‘The queen of manifesting’ Roxie Nafousi on how to create the life of your dreams
What is conscious parenting and how does it differ from traditional parenting?
The traditional parenting model is focused on the kid, on fixing the kid, on raising the perfect child. Everything is kid-oriented, and that sounds like it's so loving and benevolent, but it's not, because it's actually trying to control the child. In conscious parenting, it is about raising the parental self, raising the parents’ consciousness to a higher level, so that they can heal themselves and not use their children as a conduit to heal themselves. They can become self healing and then come to the parent-child dynamic from that very whole place, so that they don't tangle their children up and use their children to finish their unresolved business.
What have been some of the greatest obstacles in challenging the traditional parenting model?
Parental resistance, parental defence—you cannot tell the parent that they are less than perfect. I think that's because parents have been so pressured by culture to be perfect and to raise perfect children that if someone like me comes along and tells them to look at themselves in the mirror, that is deeply threatening. However, they don't realise that when they do that, they can actually create the pathway to their own liberation. And actually they are the ones who are mainly standing in their own way to achieve connection with their children, to achieve balance, peace, harmony and abundance. We are always the one standing in our own way, but we don't see that.