With Valentine’s Day around the corner, romantic relationships are being celebrated all around. But Dr Sonia Wong, lecturer of gender studies at the Chinese University of Hong Kong, reminds us of why we should also nurture sisterhood and female friendships
For the longest time, I wasn’t taught the benefits of sisterhood and female friendships. It wasn’t part of my education, it wasn’t part of the pop culture I consumed. And as it turns out, I’m not the only one.
Here’s a historical fact I love to share: in southern China a few hundred years ago, a secret language and writing system called “women’s script” or nüshu was developed by women committed to each other in friendship or platonic relationships. It allowed them to communicate in a coded language which prevented their husbands or male members of the family from understanding it. This speaks volumes on how female relationships have long been constrained throughout history: monitored and under the surveillance of people controlling these environments—but desperately wanted by the women concerned.
To this day, female friendships and sisterhood remain topics that aren’t talked about enough in academia, pop culture and throughout our lives, despite how beneficial they are for women.
Society has long taught women to regard their romantic relationships as the utmost priority in their lives and to look at other women as competition. As this is slowly changing, here are a few reminders of why it’s important to actively nurture female relationships and sisterhood.
Read more: The good, the fun and the ugly of the TikTok trend #WomenInMaleFields
Benefits of sisterhood and our ‘chosen family’
As a Chinese queer person, I’m more than aware of the benefits of a “chosen family”. Renowned LGBTQ+ activist Trevor G Gates has defined “chosen family” as “nonbiological kinship bonds, whether legally recognised or not, deliberately chosen for the purpose of mutual support and love.”
This term is mostly used within the LGBTQ+ community but is also very relevant to sisterhood. I found it very freeing to be surrounded by people I choose to be with, who relate to me and my life experiences. That’s not to say that we should never share our difficulties with men, nor that women are all the same. But identifying as a woman and being recognised as so by society means that we share experiences that no one else can identify with.
Having a safe space and a support system where respect, understanding and trust prevail is extremely empowering and has healing values. Let’s never underestimate the power of sharing, mutual learning and supporting each other unconditionally.
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