Growing up as the youngest of her siblings, Sidhu lost her father to cancer when she was just 15 years old. Even after getting married to her husband, Malaysia’s minister of Digital and Damansara member of parliament Gobind Singh Deo, the topic of unaddressed grief always fascinated her. “I realised that grief was something that a lot of people would not openly talk about. Through my conversations with clients, I realised many people suppress their grief.”

“In Asian society, we’re not brought up to express our emotions the way they do in Western countries. No one talks about it and then they keep it inside. We talk often about anxiety, stress and depression, but where does it all come from? We have to go back to what triggers you, to the core of the problem, right?”

Recalling the painful process of grieving over her late father, Sidhu recalls another harrowing experience—the day she learned of the car accident that claimed the life of her father-in-law, former Bukit Gelugor member of parliament and lawyer Karpal Singh. 

The day he died, Sidhu was unintentionally the first to get the emergency call, given the resemblance of her name to her sister-in-law’s name.  

“The shock was with me for quite a while. I remember the room was spinning. It’s every family member’s nightmare to get a call like that. Thinking back, I guess I was suppressing my grief. My husband would have been the first person I would talk to, right? But he was grieving as well.”  

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“What happens when you suppress your emotions is a trigger will eventually come, and you’ll just explode,” Sidhu says. “There was a time when my husband had to make a late-night trip out of town for a court case and he was planning to come back the same night. I remember just freaking out, saying ‘You can’t go out tonight. You can’t go out.’ When he asked what was wrong I just started crying and said I couldn’t take the memory of what happened with his father. We sat down and talked about it, and after that, he didn’t do night trips for a while until I got over that fear slowly.”

“I still worry about it today. When family members leave the house late, I keep checking their WhatsApp to see whether they are online or not. I still have that little bit of fear in me and I don’t think it’ll ever completely go,” says Sidhu, who found she could relate when clients would share the struggle of overcoming grief from losing parents even decades ago.

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Reflecting on her journey as a mental health counsellor, Sidhu realises that it is as much a journey of personal growth and self-awareness as it is of helping others. 

As a counsellor, she speaks out often about the need to de-stigmatise mental healthcare in Malaysia and has given talks before on the consequences of suppressing grief to help more people understand and deal with its effects later in life. 

“I always tell people that coming to counselling is not like a magic pill,” Sidhu says. “I have clients who come to me and say, ‘Tell me what to do.’ I can’t tell you what to do. But I can tell you, let’s work on it together. When we come up with the solution together, it’s a lifelong lesson, right?”

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Making every effort to reassure clients that they can confide in her without feeling judged or ashamed, Sidhu feels her life experiences as a mother, a politician’s wife and a lifelong learner, have ultimately helped her create a space that has helped people from all walks of life deal with the unseen burdens of inner pain and mental stress.  

“I always say to myself, you need to be present. Be there for your friends when they need to open up. And I would like to think that I was there for them when they needed to talk.”

Front & Female Changemakers celebrates the extraordinary journeys of inspiring women who have emerged as powerful changemakers in a range of fields, offering a glimpse into their lives and showcasing their courage, vision and relentless pursuit of change and progress. From social entrepreneurs and business leaders to educators, artists, activists and scientists, Front & Female changemakers exemplify the ability to challenge the status quo and demonstrate the power of women to effect change.

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