Of course, healing goes beyond the individual. How people receive someone’s experience plays a role in their recovery. So how should you react? Chhetry stresses that people who have experienced sexual abuse should be treated with respect and compassion—never looked down upon or, worse, put down. For him, they should be acknowledged, accepted and fully supported. And when they do find the courage to speak out, they should be thanked and honoured for confronting their trauma.

“They want unconditional acceptance, unconditional support,” he explains. What they don’t want is to be seen as mere victims or as lesser human beings, and what they do want is to be understood and treated with the same respect and dignity as anyone else. For him, it is essential not to define survivors by their trauma but to recognise their strength and resilience.

And when someone chooses to share their story with you, Chhetry advises to lead with with compassion and openness. The best thing to say is: “Thank you for sharing this with me,” and perhaps also ask, “How can I help?” or “Do you need any support?” These show that you are there for them, whether they just need someone to listen or require more tangible assistance. It’s really about being present without judgment.

Indeed, much of Chhetry’s work at Healing Together Nepal revolves around creating a positive environment for survivors. Working with the local government and schools, the organisation equips teachers, parents, student leaders and families with the skills to support survivors, ultimately creating a community that can break the cycle of violence.

Its important work also revolves around the prevention of abuse, helping people, especially young people, whose character development may have been impacted by distressing experiences, parse their emotions.

“We know how to use mobiles and laptops, but we do not know how to use our emotions, mind and body—that’s the most important thing we need to discuss,” Chhetry begins. “So we have this curriculum for children where they go through compassion. They [learn] how to embrace diversity—knowing that everybody has different strengths and different weaknesses and accepting them. These are the things that we do because, until we respect other’s feelings and understand those feelings, we start abusing physically, sexually or through any other ways.”

In interactive workshops that involve demonstrations, practical application and group discussions, participants learn how to truly help “and not just provide solutions”, create safe spaces and even listen authentically. To teach empathy, for example, Chhetry implements a “shoe game”, where trying on someone else’s shoes—and finding out they do not fit—leads to the realisation that people’s experiences are different. “That’s why you cannot judge others. My pain could be small for you but your pain could be big for me,” he adds.

Addressing trauma is no small feat, and Chhetry imagines that if 100 people unloaded their pain onto him, the weight would be immense. Yet, rather than feeling overwhelmed, he considers it a privilege and, in fact, he feels honoured that survivors trust him enough to reveal themselves fully to him.

He admits, however, that the process can be emotional. “I cry sometimes, but they’re good tears,” Chhetry says before adding that his tears aren’t born of sadness but stem from witnessing the transformative power of these moments. Hearing how sharing their experiences has changed survivors’ lives fills him with hope. It has also been profoundly moving to see how their perspectives toward their families, their pasts and themselves have shifted. “The masterful thing is accepting oneself,” he says.

That’s really one of the most important things in the journey to healing. “You have gone through a lot of trauma and you don’t accept yourself and you’re nowhere,” he muses. “When you don’t forgive yourself, that’s hard. That’s a difficult life to live.” For the leader who has turned pain into purpose, letting go of guilt and shame is the key to finding peace.

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